let’s see…some goofy modern gospel crap.  no.  some country dood.  no.  dean martin.  no.  ah.  that’s what i’m talking about.  here’s the tape to play.  “Blues Artists” was written on the label in my stepfather’s handwriting.  it was the only tape in the car that i deemed worthy to play, after the radio failed me once again and i didn’t want to listen to nothing but the wind of north central illinois.  he was in front of me, my step-dad.  i was following art back to the town of sandwich from aurora, where he’d picked up the ten-foot u-haul truck that was bouncing along ahead of me down route 47.  i was tailing him in my mother’s 20th century bonneville.  the one with the shitty cassette deck.

the music seemed so appropriate.  all the standard blues topics are covered, like laments of loves long lost, or the woman that does little more than tease.  i’d been unsettled throughout the train ride from the city, but listening to these tunes within this context weighed my heart down to feel like a boulder was sinking in my chest.  my immediate reaction to this feeling was anger.  in fact, lately i’ve been teetering between sadness and anger.  however, nothing like a 60 year old blues song to drive the point home.  mostly i’m angry that i’m hearing about it all only after everything has been said and done.

when we arrived at the little house in sandwich, we began pretty much straight away.  after a couple of corner curios, a bedroom set, a television, and countless boxes of various sizes, we were done packing the truck within a few hours.  it wasn’t all that much, really, but then, not much was leaving.  certainly not the “half” that comprises the cliche.

they were mostly civil, although a couple of minor comments were uttered by both of them.  even a solitary and small grain of salt is easier to fling onto the wound when there’s nothing left to lose.

it was on the way back to the train station in aurora the following morning that many of my assumptions were confirmed and further questions were answered.  of course, during that ride so many more questions sprang up, but they won’t be answered yet, if ever at all, no matter how much i want them to be.  to add to the frustration, i realize that i’ll never understand everything about what has happened.

my goodbye scenes were a bit bittersweet both times, as i did everything i could to control my anger.  mostly i just didn’t know what to say or how to be encouraging.  it’s hard…it’s really hard to encourage when you feel discouraged.  so i kept it simple, said little, offered my love, and went on my way.  the 80 minute train trip seemed to take forever.

they spent sunday packing the rest of the stuff in, and today they’re on their way as i type this.

and that’s how mom and art will end their marriage of sixteen years.  he’s driving the truck i helped pack, and she’s driving her old-woman bonneville, straight down to southern ohio, where she will start her new life on her own.  he’ll be returning by mid-week alone to their house.  hopefully he won’t have to stay there too long.

you had no idea?  yeah.  no kidding.  up until recently, neither did i.

i sent this e-mail to halla, H, and greeny, as a reply to the news of carlin’s death, just so you know specifically who comprises the ‘us’ i refer to…

it was maybe a few months ago that some random celebrity died and it occurred to me that i rarely seem to have any connection or deep appreciation for most of the people i hear about dying.  i mean, there’s been a few along the way that saddened me.  chuck schuldiner of death was a tough one–my heart sank.  there are a few other examples that come to mind, even somewhat recently, but none that hit home quite like this.  and i figured that’s because a lot of my favorite musicians, etc., are just now getting into that age range where the risk of death increases.  after all, the doods in bands like genesis and iron maiden are in their fifties.  they all seem healthy, but they’re all beginning to show their ages.  well, maybe not maiden.  they’re all so ugly, they might already be dead, for all i know.

anyway, i guessed the first one i’d hear about who was such a big part of our formative years was likely going to be carlin.  i mean, he was born before world war ii, so he was up there in years.  and of course, we all knew his heart troubles and his stint in rehab a couple of years ago for wine and pills, not to mention his years of doing cocaine.  it’s amazing he lived as long as he did, now that i think about it.

i’m sorry to say i predicted correctly.  surely, i’m not willing to predict who is next.  unless it’s celine dion.  i’d be okay with that.

words can’t really describe what he meant to us–he helped influence the way we think and approach life, to varying degrees.  he knew how to see the things no one saw, the little details people normally ignore.  and yet he wasn’t afraid to explore humanity’s darkness, the things people try to hide.  he taught us the importance of communication and language.  and most importantly, he gave us some great fart jokes.

he will be missed terribly.  if i had a flag, i’d fly it at half-mast, because i consider him an all-american hero.  carlin’s death means the collective world intelligence just plummeted.

one more time, say it along with me: SHIT, PISS, FUCK, CUNT, COCKSUCKER, MOTHERFUCKER, AND TITS… 

now playing: carlin’s old records.

seems that neil peart has nailed it once again:

Subdivisions
Words by neil peart, music by geddy lee and alex lifeson

Sprawling on the fringes of the city
In geometric order
An insulated border
In between the bright lights
And the far unlit unknown

Growing up it all seems so one-sided
Opinions all provided
The future pre-decided
Detached and subdivided
In the mass production zone

Nowhere is the dreamer
Or the misfit so alone

Subdivisions —
In the high school halls
In the shopping malls
Conform or be cast out
Subdivisions —
In the basement bars
In the backs of cars
Be cool or be cast out
Any escape might help to smooth
The unattractive truth
But the suburbs have no charms to soothe
The restless dreams of youth

Drawn like moths we drift into the city
The timeless old attraction
Cruising for the action
Lit up like a firefly
Just to feel the living night

Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight

Somewhere out of a memory
Of lighted streets on quiet nights…

…and you’re not.  nyah nyah!  so there.
–onkel slobbert

blogging in total obscurity is freedom. i can think of maybe four people that have indicated that they’ve read more than one post of mine over the years. and, well, that’s only four more people than my mom has, and she doesn’t even have a blog. i have close to five years of archived posts and she almost ties me. so, if i have no audience, then i’m basically talking to myself through this medium. the question is, do i answer myself, too?

yes. yes i do.

like i said, it’s freedom. i could say rude things about my wife, who is incidentally not one of the four readers. i could write some shitty poem on the spot. or i could give links to my favorite porn clips.

oh, that reminds me. every once in a while, we’ll have cinemax on the tv in our bedroom, playing some movie that we think will put us to sleep. so, sometimes, one or both of us will wake up in the middle of the night to moaning from the tv. that’s right. good ol’ skinemax and their late night softcore porn flicks. and they’re all awful. goofy looking broads, plastic men, and cheeseball dialog, performances, and writing. not to mention the stupid-looking simulated sex. we woke up to one the other night. it was maybe 4am or something. the story involved time-travelling witches and a pilgrim-looking witchfinder. well, when it didn’t involve tits and ass. as if the plausibility of hot women who’ll fuck everyone at the drop of a hat wasn’t enough of a stretch–we gotta watch witches and a disapproving voyeur guy sporting 17th century fashion. it was so bad, this movie, that we both watched it for an hour.

and then there’s last night, when a young college hot blondie girl fucked a guy in a gorilla suit. i couldn’t make this up. i laughed myself to sleep. my wife had already passed out, so she missed it.

anyway, there’s so many other things i could do. i suppose i could talk more about music or something.

oh, yeah. that reminds me. i was talking on a forum about how to handle discussing music with my wife. i basically said it’s a bad idea. this is what i posted:

i find it’s best to not talk about it too much. my wife hates metal and makes fun of me when i talk about music in general, adding, “you forget that i don’t care.” if she blabbed on and on about louis vuitton, i’d react the same way. so i’m learning to shut up about music around her. anytime i break this rule, she inevitably asks something like, “why do you remember who produced a genesis album in 1981, but you can’t remember to take the trash out?” …and that does me no good whatsoever.

there’s so much i could do in a post like this. i could also waste the time of at least four people on a worthless post. you’re welcome very much. take that, nonexistent audience of my mom’s nonexistent blog! my audience is better! you are all jerks! yeah!!

so.

who here suddenly has an urge to fuck a gorilla?

i’ve spent quite a bit of time changing all the various links and things to the new domain, both internally and externally. what a pain in the ass. i’m sure there are some i’ve missed, too. what the hell. it’s not that big a deal, really. no one reads this anyway. i’m pretty sure the world kept turning without my blog out on the interwebz for the last five or six weeks. i am very happy to have it back, though. yay! ramblings!

the first draft of the screenplay is finished. and it’s looooooooooooong. if it were to be made into a movie, it’d be over 3 hours in length. that’s about twice as long as a comedy should be. so now halla and i are re-writing and re-arranging the whole thing to fit in smaller episodic segments that we can eventually release online once filmed and edited. thankfully, the original structure of the film actually lends itself to an episodic nature. the overarching plot is insanely stupid and lame, but the subplots are all what make the film funny, and they were all originally segmented chronologically anyway. this way, in episodic form online, we’ll be able to build an audience more or less as we film. we’ll film more or less in chronological order, especially in the beginning, whilst also filming blocks of various scenes that take place in specific recurring locations. we’ll have episodes out before we’ve finished filming. what’s great is that we have 15 episodes (give or take) already written. we’ve also begun outlining a prequel, just because we had a seed of an idea take shape while writing the first, and we figure we should remain prolific. the specific story elements of this prequel are, once again, comedy genius. we really are an amazing duo of writers.

pre-production is moving forward slowly in the meantime, as we chop up the first script. the director, editor, producer, crew, and about two-thirds of the principal actors are already in place. i leave that mostly up to halla, really. after all, at the moment, it’s his production company anyway. if he wants my help, he’ll come for it. in the meantime, i’m content to be the bitchy talent. mostly, i just can’t believe that we’re finally doing this, after all the years of saying “we need to make this movie!”

this is proving to be an exciting year.

let me start this first post on my new .org domain by saying a big FUCK YOU! to the person that swiped my slobbert.com domain.  asshole.

…for another phantom to visit Scrooge. Ebenezer certainly experienced a change of heart on Christmas, yet on Valentine’s Day he sounded like his old bitter self. He grumbled endlessly to Bob of the loathsome Saint Valentine.

The pitiful memories of young Ebenezer’s fateful engagement to the lovely Belle wasn’t to blame. Alas, the resentment Scrooge held for Valentine’s Day began with a much deeper pain.

All the candies, chocolates and soft kisses in the world could not prevent a cherubic boy from accidentally shooting an arrow into Scrooge’s bony ass on one freezing February morning.

Bah.

Humbug.

almost fifty pages of screenplay written.  5 worlds each of super mario bros and super mario bros 3 beaten.  it’s been a productive year so far.

i was surfing the genesis forum when i was reminded that today is phil collins’ birthday. so what better way to solidify my fanboyism than to celebrate his b-day on my personal blog, since that’s such a fanboy thing to do!

so what do i do? show a favorite lyric? a picture? share a special song? one of his music videos perhaps? that commercial with the gorilla? some ancient genesis video when he had hair and a scraggly beard? ooh, or howzabout a clip of his appearance in grand theft auto: vice city? or even better, the hilarious phil/genesis speech from american psycho? (”don’t just stare at it, eat it!”)

nah.

i may be a fanboy, but i’m also just enough of an asshole to share this awful clip: